Healing from Divorce # 10 final one ;0)

footnote this all happened 12 years ago...

Healing from divorce # 10

One of the many things I have learned from this whole process is the true power of Gods unconditional agape Love. While others will judge, misunderstand, reason, cut you off because of some weird religious belief system they have fallen for- God never leaves your side. He is there coaching, engineering your circumstances for your greater good.

If we as humans would humble ourselves, spend more time focusing on God, his love, through reading his word, listening to the Holy Spirit, praising Him, giving Him our undivided attention First thing in the morning, last thoughts at night. We would have no room for judgment, hate, gossip, slander; complaining or greed the list is endless.

If we could accomplish these things on a daily basis, our lives would be so much richer,  full of passion and deep, deep unconditional love for all those around us. What a glorious light we would be to this dying world instead of a hindrance to God and our fellow human beings.

Not one of us has the right to judge anyone; after all, we gave up our rights to ourselves the day we surrendered to his love through Jesus. He already died for our garbage why pick it up again, it stinks! Leave it where it belongs at his feet ,where his blood washes it all away forever.

The past is the past the only positive thing you can do with it is give it all to Jesus and let him heal you of it. His holy spirit is very willing to walk with you through every minute of your day to bring you to a place where you can be present with yourself, others, Himself, and God.

Jesus came not just to save us but also to set us free in our minds. So that we can be totally present with him, in touch with the world around us so that we can truly live our lives to “Our Utmost for his highest” (thank you Oswald Chambers) here on earth and be an incredible blessing to each other.

This is the last of my divorce series as far as I am concerned it is gone finished and has no hold on me any longer. I have a life to live for him and it would be a shame to waste it looking back only to miss what is right in front of me for the taking. Besides I came into this world with nothing why try to bring it out with me. God brought me into this life and as long as I fellowship daily with him, He will take me out, not man or anything else.

Thanks for reading God be with you as you seek to serve and know him better.

Love In Jesus Mike :0)

Healing from Divorce # 9 God `s way not mans :0)

Footnote all this hapened 12 years ago and between :0)

Before God gave us the RV I had taken other Trips to Michigan to see the boy`s.

On one trip 3 days before I was to leave, I had car trouble .I did not have enough cash to pay for it all. However, I knew I was supposed to go, so I just kept Believing God for a car and money.

Well the next day I did a job that paid out $900 and a friend offered me his car a Honda accord when I told him I was driving about 6000 mls round trip he had no problem with it. I left 2 days later.

The Boys and I camped on Lake Michigan at a family fun camp Called “Yogi Bear” some thing or other. It was a very memorable time we even went to a large theme water park in Northern MI. we were given free day pass`s.

I just love how God looks after even the smallest details.

During my round trips to Michigan, I had a lot of alone time with God and got to see this amazing country. Wyoming is my favorite as it is home to the “Rockies”

During the years that followed, I slowly healed as I allowed god to bring up issues from my past. He did not do this in prayer groups or churches. There is nothing wrong with church etc.

(God chose a different avenue that was tailored just for me. This is not a how to heal method, you have to hear clearly from god for yourself, after all it is a personal relationship not a religion with rules and regulations)

No God was teaching me to rely on him and him alone. The bible has many references to this kind of experience, john the Baptist, David, Moses, Paul to name but a few.

Oh, I forgot to mention about a year before my Divorce I was in church on a Sunday morning and during praise and worship I got the first words of a prophesy and so I asked the holy spirit to lead me as I spoke it out… God was saying he was going to take a person from among the congregation and lead then away to be broken and rebuilt into a powerful man of God that is the short end of it. Moreover, that no one was to help or pity him that he was going to be in god’s hands alone. I had no Idea at that time that person was me :0)

He showed me that I must leave church for a season and go out into the desert with him (spiritually that is) I told no one about this and simply asked him to give me three confirmations. He did with in about 3 days from three different people, two strangers.

One thing I have learned as my relationship with God grows is not to ask others for their opinions, as I will get very confused, but to ask the Holy Spirit for confirmation. Sometimes I do not get them or it until after I have walked it out in faith. It is never the same, you can’t put God in a box, he thinks far outside it :0)

To be continued….

Healing from divorce #8 Casey and the RV :0)

Motor home from God :0)

Well 2 days later I crossed the Oregon Boarder got out and kissed the ground, no kidding. Then the years began to roll by.

Each summer the boys and I would get together for a vacation. One sticks out in particular.

It was Saturday morning , Casey my youngest and I were on the phone. Casey in Michigan, I in Oregon.

We talked about many things then I asked Casey

“Casey, what would you like to do for vacation this year”

He thought for a while then replied

“Dad, I would like to go across the states in a RV (Motor Home)

“Boy, that would be great “then a thought struck me, POW

“Casey lets pray and ask God for an RV, will you agree with me in prayer”

“Sure” He said

That afternoon I decided to go to an RV show some had given me a ticket for.

On the way there, I remembered an old friend whose wife was sick and decided to drop in. Jerry was not there, but his wife was. We chatted for a while. Finally, she asked what I was doing for the afternoon. I replied

“Going to an RV show at the state fair grounds to look at what I cannot afford.

“Hey our RV is for sale” Hang on I will get the keys and you can take it for a drive.

So I did, it was a 20 ft. Toyota Dolphin that slept four comfortably and had all the amenities you needed including a toilet and shower.

As soon as I turned the key, I knew it was mine. I had no money, no credit to speak of. So God had to buy it for me. I loved it plus it did 18 MPG.

When I got back, Jerry was waiting for me on the porch.

“So what do you think Mike”

“Love it jerry, how much do you want”

“$7500”

“Let me think about it” I had no money

“Ok $6500 for you”

I was silent, and then he said

“Ok $5500”

I just opened my mouth automatically and said, “Done”

“When do you want to take it?”

“As soon as I get the money”

“You got it”

“No Jerry but God has, I will have it by Tuesday evening”

“Jerry laughed he knew me and God to well, he had heard all my stories and honestly I do not think he doubted me”

Long story all I can say is Tuesday Night I gave Jerry $5500 cash.

When I called Casey I told him God had bought him an RV, He was ecstatic, it did wonders for his faith.

All we have to do is ask and let God work out the details.

I drove out to Michigan and picked the boys up in June.

We spent 5 weeks in the RV That summer and I still have it, it was my home for 2 years and I toured all over Oregon, it’s a great state….to be continued

Healing from divorce # 7

footnote all this happened 12 years ago>>

continued from healing from divorce # 6

That night as I drove the I-80 through Wyoming the outside temperature was about 20 degrees and snowing. I drove along at about 35 mph behind the endless train of trucks that snaked through the Rockies. Even at night, they were a great site. My ears began to pop the higher we climbed. This was my first time driving through this majestic mountain range, actually a first across the states.

I had bought snow wiper blades at my last stop as a precaution and now I was glad that I had. I passed a sign That Boasted we were at “8000 feet”. The roads were icy and Ice is merciless no matter what you drive, unless of course you have chains, even then there are no guarantees.

About an hour later, the trucks began to pick up speed and so I thought well they know something I do not and followed their lead. Therefore, I pressed on the gas, big mistake. I hit a large patch of ice, the van began to do do-nuts (360`s) at about 50 mph. I do not know how many times I spun around it seemed like an eternity. I just clung onto the steering wheel praying that the 700 lb carpet machine that was bolted to the van floor behind me would not break free.

Then I spun on to one of those emergency link roads where state troopers normally sit to watch for speeders between the freeway lanes. I still kept spinning only this time I went straight over the edge of the link road. I was air borne.

Do you remember in the cartoons when “Willey Coyote" or some other character goes over a cliff, hangs in midair for a second then drops like a rock. Well that is just what happened. I just clung onto the steering wheel as I hung in the air, watched helplessly then dropped like a rock. The ploughed through the deep snow before finally coming to a stop in the large wall of snow I had just manufactured.

I was ok, I took a deep breath and checked my body for any damage, none. The carpet machine had not moved and it had prevented my belongings from coming forward. I opened the door and climbed out.

It looked like I had dropped 17 to 18 feet, I thanked God I was ok. The damage to the van was minimal. One flat front tire, a bent fender, a leaking radiator, and the rear quarter panel bent in. A truck stopped and called the state trooper who called a tow truck who towed me out of the ravine. I thanked him then handed him my triple AAA insurance card. It was then he informed me he did not take Insurance, only cash. I had a sinking feeling.

“How much” I asked knowing I was about to be taken.

“$200” he replied

“What in Michigan they charge $75, how far will you take me?”

“just up to the next exit # 235 about ¼ of a mile up the road, there`s a gas station there, you can make a call for some to come out from Rawlins” He said

I had no choice, so off we drove to the gas station. The tow person released my van from his truck and I filled the front tire with air, reconnect the radiator hose, and went inside to make a phone call to triple AAA and buy some anti-freeze.

Well I got 2 gallons of anti-freeze and walked over to the counter were a man in his eighties was waiting. I explained in a shaky voice, (the shock was starting to set in) that I was in an accident and could I please call triple AAA. He said” no the phone was not for customer use only and the anti-freeze was $20

“What $20 for two gallons I just paid $5.00 a gal back in Northplatt”

“He said his was on sale”

. At this point, the tow guy walked in and called the older guy dad. Oh, Boy I thought figgers. Then I Calmly as I could slid the phone that was on the counter over to myself picked up the receiver as he tried to object and said “I have just been in an accident, your son has just ripped me off for $200 and you are now doing the same and I`m cold tired and very angry at how you both have treated me, I`m going to call triple AAA to send a tow truck to get me out of here”

Before he could utter another word, I dialed the number. I was answered by a pleasant Female voice and after I explained my Predicament she assured me they would send a truck from Rawlins within the hour and refund the $200” I thanked her it was nice to hear a compassionate voice at that moment.

Then I hung up. The old Man said you cannot wait in Here I am closing. I paid for the antifreeze and left without another word.

It was freezing outside. Sure enough within the hour a friendly tow guy showed up, took me to Rawlins booked me into a motel, parked my van across the street at what he told me was the best and nicest mechanic into town. The person at the Motel gave me half his dinner, as they did not serve food. They all knew the old guy at exit 235 and shared some similar stories. It is a great thing to meet friendly faces when you are a stranger in town. That night I slept like a log…

To be continued……………..

Healing from divorce # 6

Foot note, this all happened 12 years ago.

You know as I write this series of hubs on my past journey through divorce, I realize I am not writing it just to encourage others but myself also. It is a road map of God`s provision, his mercy, unconditional love and a man ( myself) being set free from the ties that bound him to the past.

Not just a bad marriage (not blaming anyone here, like I said before in our unhealthy, immature unhealed state we found each other, we decided to marry, nobody forced us into it) But also generational sin`s, curses, bondage that all has its roots in Hell. Until we allow Jesus with the his councilor the Holy spirit the freedom to take over our lives ‘we will never truly be set free to live healthy, stable, fear free lives.

This testimony I, m writing is not open to debate, after all, it is mine, and whether you believe it or not is your choice. I am not trying to win someone over to Jesus or convert. After all I could not even if I tried, it is not my job. It is the Holy Spirit that leads people to Jesus (not religion) he does it in such a wonderful loving way , with unconditional free will on either side.

No I`m extremely thankful that Jesus chose to die for me so that I can write this today as a free man who because of him I am getting healthier. I`m much closer to him now than before . I still have a very long way to go, I am after all human and most definitely not perfect :0)

Ok, back to my story, right I was in cold Michigan. I woke up the next day and drove over to a friend’s house who had been storing my belongings. They were a wonderful couple and were delighted to see me. We fellowshipped together , then I packed my van and headed to meet with another friend. I did not see my boy`s this trip. This trip was just closure for me before I returned to my home in Oregon were God wanted me to live.

I spent 3 days in Grand Rapids and on the third day, I knew it was time to leave.

The trip back took ten days instead of the normal two and half to 3. I broke down many times, had many divine appointments. In one town Michigan Indiana, I went to a repair shop with the van. While the van was, being worked upon I had a word of knowledge for the women who owned the shop. She had been waiting on God for an answer. We had a great time of fellowship and both wept at gods healing in her life. I love it even in our unhealthy state God continues to use us.

Then I drove on through “Iowa” into Nebraska and in North Platt I broke down again. This time I was helped by a retired “Green beret “from Montana who just happened to be stranded at the truck stop were I broke down. He was a mechanic who worked as the shop supervisor for “Caterpillar Truck Company” in Mazola MT. God sent me an ace. I put him up in a hotel and over the next 3 days, we fixed the van.

Back in Oregon at service master, they were having bets as to whether I would make it back. To be honest I was enjoying myself, I knew God was with me, I was on his time.

After My 3 days In North Platt, Kevin (Mechanic) and I hugged good-bye and I drove off to Wyoming and the Rocky Mountains to be continued............

Healing from divorce # 5

Healing from divorce # 5 . Foot noteThis all happened 12 years ago

continued from healing from divorce # 4

Well after all that and God`s wonderful confirmation, the next thing I wanted to know was God do I stay here or move back to Michigan. So I prayed for a free trip to MI so that I would know and also get my belongings. Now I had enough money for a trip after all I had my own business. However, I wanted to know from god, after all he was in charge of all this.

Oh I also prayed for a hot tub too, ( being a selemployed carpet cleaner sure hurts your back )why Not ;0)

Three days later I was Cleaning a friends carpets as a favor when his Boss called on the phone. John, Brads Boss whom I knew owned a" Service Master franchise".

I overheard the conversation, John was telling Brad about a van with a carpet machine in it that he had just purchased and was wondering how to get it back from MI. This was my answer. I piped up “brad tell John fly me out and I will drive it back to Oregon. John agreed!

I told brad after he hung up what I had prayed for and as an afterthought told him about the Hot tub too. He looked right at and said, “Think I can help you there, we have a good one that we don’t want all yours.

Christmas eve I was on a flight to Traverse City MI to pick up the van fifty miles from my former home in Grand Rapids MI. Great how God works things out.

The plane broke down twice and I prayed that Gog would somehow hold up my connection to traverse city as I would be 3hours late getting in and did not want to spend the night at an airport.

Well I finally arrived at Traverse City Airport and took my time walking to the check in lounge, as I was late. When I got there, the flight attendant informed me that the flight had been delayed for 3 hours because of a frozen engine and would be taking of in ten minutes; it had already left the terminal so they taxied me out.

I was laughing inside as I boarded the plane full of unhappy passengers, at Midnight I landed in traverse city and was driving the van through a blizzard to grand rapids by 12: 45..the van guy had been waiting up for me, God sure takes care of his kids !

I Drove slowly though the Night singing christmass carols and arrived In GR at about 4 am , checked into a Motel 8 , and slept for about 10 hours...to be continued

Healing from Divorce # 4

Continued from # 3 on "healing from divorce" foot note This all happened 12 years ago!!

I woke up the next day feeling like a new man, I should be miserable I thought, God is so cool. The next few days were to prove even better.

On Wednesday After noon, I was working on a house in South Salem when a friend left me a message on my cell. He wanted to know if I would come to a “wake” (gathering of people who celebrate someone`s passing) at his house that evening around 7:00pm. It was for the Mother of the Former director of an “YWAM” base who was staying over at his house.

I arrived about 7:30Pm as I was late getting home. The door was open so I walked right into the front room. Sitting in a circle on a mixture of sofa`s, wing chairs, dining chairs etc. were about 15 people. I only knew about three of them. I thought what am I doing here at someone else’s wake, why would my friend invite me to something like this. Before I could turn and leave quietly , my friend Carl spotted me and beckoned me to a vacant seat in the circle. Therefore, I sat down and listened.

One of the group was sharing memories about her deceased Mother. She described her as a red head, 64 and she had died of leukemia.She had me at the "Leukemia part ; my mother was a red Head, 64 years of age when she died of Leukemia. I never got to go home to Ireland to the funeral (long story for another time, let’s just say God`s hand was in it). Ok, I knew why I was there, I was getting closure at some else’s funeral. God has a great sense of humor.

Two more people spoke and then all eyes fixed on me. So I quickly introduced myself and filled them all in about my Mother. They all knew exactly what God was doing and encouraged me to share. It was great I just let go poured out my heart, complete with tears. It was very healing.

After it was over a man in his fifties approached me, shook my hand, and hugged me. he was Michael Imish the YWAM director, ( intresting name LOL) it was his Mother who died. He told me he had wanted to talk to me the previous week on the night I saw my Boys for the last time. He went on to tell me about His Divorce 12 years before. He described his ex- Wife just like mine, same type of personality. He described his two boys, same age as mine and how he sat crying on the lawn outside his Home when they all left. Then later that night How God asked him to give them up to Him and he would be their father and now 12 years later how they were both missionaries.

Wow, I was stunned, here was my confirmation that I was on the right track. I love how god confirms things he tells in private, as only a loving parent would.

The rest of the evening was a true blessing and I slept soundly that night…to be continued! :))

Continued from #2 Foot note all this happened 12 years ago

Well needless to say, my wife was surprised at how fast things were moving, actually, she became very angry. The stress level was high at this point so I decided to take my bike and cycle to the local park. I grabbed some cigarettes from my van (I am not a smoker but the stress at home and the situation drove me to it) and peddled of to the park.

Half way there, I realized I had no matches so I boldly asked God if he would get me some as I had forgotten my wallet. As I cycled past “safe way” local store I felt led to turn in as I did I thought good one God everyone smokes out the back now, I will just pop around there for a light.

Then he said “Stop”, It was so sudden that I just grabbed the brakes and stopped. I looked down at the front wheel, low and behold right were the tire touched the road was a brand new box of matches. I thought they would sure love this one in Church I laughed. I thanked God then headed off to the park.

When I got there, I picked a picnic table far from everyone and lit up. I began to pour my heart out to God. I just let it all flow for about 30 mins, then the most amazing thing happened. He spoke to me so softly like a father to his child: “Do you not know that I love you”

I know nothing amazing about the fact that he loves me, but it was how he said it. Here I was a man who had been a missionary, shared the gospel on the streets of London. Laid hands on the sick and they became well, so many things – and while I knew in my heart he loved me, I had never heard it. Boy, it floored me.

I said, “It doesn’t matter what I do from now on you really love me” Wow I was bawling. Then He spoke again. This he used my Name “Michael this is a fresh start I’m with you” you cannot top that. I went from crying to laughing and felt so incredibly peaceful.

I stayed about another 30 mins then cycled happily home, my wife was expecting a verbal fight. However, nothing she could do could upset me. I simply said all is in God`s hands and if you don’t mind between now and the time we move I would rather not talk to you. This was really scaring her. I have to admit it was kind of fun seeing her in this situation, when you turn your back on God your on your own.

At this point, I knew all was in God’s hands; I was just along for the ride. One week later, I moved her into her new house and I moved in with ken.

A few months later she decided to move back to Michigan, we lived in Salem Oregon. I began to earnestly seek God as to what I should do about the boys. A few days later I met them one last time before they were to fly out the next day, we went to toys-r –us. Then I took them home and went off to a friend’s house. There were a whole bunch of missionaries there and one of them wanted to talk with me. However, I was in no mood to talk with anyone, I needed to be alone. So I went for a walk, I walked for hours. Finally, I went home to bed and began to cry my heart out to God.

Then all of a sudden he spoke again, He said, “I gave my son up for you, can you give John and Casey to me and let me be there father” I was stunned, I struggled with this question for about an hour. They were my boys, I loved them deeply. I did not care about my wife I was glad she was Gone. Then finally, I said “Ok God I give them to you” Instantly, I mean instantly I was filled with such incredible peace. The room filled with such wonderful peace, my anguish was gone, and wow, this was great.

To Be continued....

Continued from "Healing from divorce" # 1

Then a thought struck me go to the local library and do some research on alcoholic families etc. So off I went... Boy, they had hundreds of books, but one stood out in particular. It was about adult children of alcoholics.

I opened the first page with excitement, as I knew I was on the right track. It was like a Vietnam vet meeting a Vietnam vet. The first words that stood out to me were “You are normal “this is your reality how you see things this was a normal life for you… I read on and on...

Finlay something I could relate to. I was an abused mental child of an alcoholic, heck that explained much of why I was so messed up in my emotions.

As I read more I began to realize I had never really had a stable child hood and that my parents , messed up as they were, loved me as they understood the love they received from their parents. They were hurting people just like me.

I began to pray that God would reveal to me the areas in my life that needed to be healed so that I could begin to lead a healthy Life, free from the Junk of the past. For weeks previous when I would spend time with God he would impress on me to leave, separate from my wife. However, I said No Lord Christians do not divorce.

However, the more I read the book the more I realized why people who are abused never leave; it is because they think they deserve it. That is why battered wives, girlfriends keep going back to the same person, because many times they think it is their fault and so they keep repeating the cycle of self-abuse.

Truth was I was in an abusive situation and now I really knew it... so I put It back on God for his advice/ leading.. Help :0)

Funny thing is at that time I was truly starting to enjoy life as I had a job I loved good friends and to top it all people sought me out. I had a great relationship with my boys and we spent a lot of time together. I think what was really going on was that she was losing control of me, as I became a more confident person.

All this time I would still tell people about Jesus, pray for them and so forth…not building a case here just stating the facts of my life at the time.

About 3 days later my wife told me it was time for me to leave and when I was healthy, I could come back. Wow. So I prayed God if this is your will, you find me a place to live... The house we lived in was on a lease purchase and that same week the owner came by to say he was sorry but he had to sell the house a sap and could we cancel the year lease.

Within a week god found a house for my Wife, no deposit etc. and I was at work one morning when an old friend came in and asked me how I was doing so I told him. I did not tell I needed a place to live. Straight away, he said Ok you come live with me.

I had not seen Ken for Six months and while I was praying the previous evening, the Holy Spirit showed me I would be living with Ken. So imagine my surprise the next day when he showed up at my work, he never came by. Oh, He is a Christian…to be continued. Doing this in short columns so it is easier to read!!!

Help me Jesus ?

Divorce

Nobody likes divorce; it is an ugly word in and off its self. The very meaning itself is all about dividing, tearing apart, splitting and so on.

Why do you think many couples, people who divorce for whatever reason end up married to the same type of person, but in a different body?

Take for example a person who is abused in a marriage, mentally, physically. They leave as any sane person would and within a very short time remarry into a similar situation, different person but same issue`s, sometimes even worse than before.

Try to imagine a bungee cord attached to your Dad, mom or for that matter, anyone you have not forgiven. Now the further you try to get away from that person be they dead , living in another state ,country ,as soon as you get into a new relationship of any kind that brings your true emotions to the surface, back will come those unhealed hurts of the past on that bungee cord to slap you repeatedly.

Honestly try as you might you can never, ever truly get away from an unhealthy past until you face it right on and begin to deal with it. I am not saying go back to that abusive person to confront them as that can be quite disastrous.

No the healing begins in the mind were all those memories of UN-forgiveness are stored. One thing I want to say right now is you will never ever, ever forget, it is impossible but as you learn to forgive that person and heal the memories will no longer affect you as they did before.

Forgiveness is the key to true release, until you do; you will never be free to be who you were really meant to be. To live a life that is full and rewarding. To love yourself and those around with true passion in everything you do.

I was married the first time for 12 years, now I`m not going to rant and rave about how bad it was etc. truth be told we both found each other. We both had a lot of unhealed Junk in our lives and had no idea who we really were and then to top all that we made a lifetime comment to each other. How crazy is that. I came from a mentally abusive father who was alcoholic.

As the years went on I slowly began to realize that she was similar to my dad, in fact in all reality I had married my dad. (I’m not trying to slam my EX here, just prove a point) I found myself trying to please her to earn her love like I did my dad`s. then one day I woke up and realized that I would never have her love ,that the situation would never change. However, I still did not leave after all we had two boys.

Now I was a Christian and did not believe in divorce so as far as I was concerned I was not leaving. So I decided to go and get some counseling at a local Church that specialized in this sort of thing. Well long story short The Guy turned out to be a former alcoholic and tried to convince me that I was an alcoholic just like my Dad. I wanted to believe it to say I was , to but it just didn't fit, it was like I would be lying to myself. I wanted the truth so that I could be truly free in my heart and mind…OK to be continued in the next hub